


j*hn m*yer is a king i love him

by texasisalandlockedstate



Category: John Mayer (Musician)
Genre: Gen, Please be nice, and dated a teenager when he was in his thirties, and homophobic, anyway taylor swift is an icon, can we please talk about how john mayer is racist, guys please take this seriously, i worked on this for months and it's my first fic, major character death bc john is old and will die soon, nvm it's a joke, stream dear john, this is literally just a john mayer hate piece
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-16 23:13:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29832363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/texasisalandlockedstate/pseuds/texasisalandlockedstate
Summary: see the title
Relationships: John Mayer/everything bad in the world, John Mayer/homophobia, John Mayer/satan, John Mayer/ugliness
Kudos: 2





	j*hn m*yer is a king i love him

MAJOR TW!!!!!

john mayer is in this fic. if you feel uncomfortable with that, that is perfectly understandable. stream dear john and read my other fic.

howdy y'all

i'm john mayer, but you probably know that. everyone knows who i am. i'm the best person in the entire world. *says slurs*

i hate gay people. i can't believe that perez hilton had the audacity to exist as a homosexual in front of me. it made me so mad i had to kiss him without his consent. it's so fucking stupid that people call me homophobic though. like, isn't a guy allowed to assault people for being gay and openly dislike gay people and say slurs without being labeled? it's basically discrimination.

i also hate women. i've hated women ever since i dated taylor swift twelve years ago, when she was nineteen. you know, a teenager. and i was in my thirties. maybe _i_ was too young to be messed with, ever think of that _taylor_? it was so disgusting of that fucking cunt to treat me like that though. crazy bitch. 

taylor swift dated six men. she’s such a slut. and for you feMinIsTs, i’m _allowed_ to date fifteen women because i am a _man._ taylor swift is a female, so obviously it’s not okay for her to date anyone other than me. 

women love me though. it’s probably because i’m so hot and amazing. i am a #indiesoftboy. see, you won’t find any toxic masculinity here. would #indiesoftboys have dArK twIstEd gaMes and make girls cry? i don’t think so. the girl in the dress was crying because she loved me so much.

anyway, vote trump 2020. (but don't tell anyone that i said that, i don't want to get cancelled. i am #woke)


End file.
